Murder Suicide


Today I just killed somebody on purpose… accidentally. I am not making this public confession from a position of boasting or arrogance. This is nothing that I am doing to gather attention to myself or to even be flippant. But I am confessing and taking full responsibility so that the judgment will be clear and swift, avoiding a long drawn out trial. I did it… on purpose… accidentally. What an oxymoron. I am the rebellious, willing perpetrator of the crime of this action and I am also the accepting, reluctant victim… at least today. This is my contract my fate. It is murderous suicide that never achieves finality. You might say I am a mass murderer, a serial killer. You see you must understand my victim is made up of many facets, personalities. Some are easier to annihilate then others. When you look at immorality, lechery, lying, stealing, cheating, adultery, fornication those become easy victims. The ones that are hard to ferret out and eliminate is the religious, racial, cultural, national, denominational pride, selfishness and self-indulgence that we have to hunt down and expose. These are hard to execute. Those guys are often well camouflaged and hiding amongst the innocently guilty. It sounds good and noble to boast on these guys, yet they must die. I would like to say that I am apologetic and that I am sorry but the truth is I am not sorry or apologetic. I cannot be and stay true to my recognize calling. I am an assassin, a crucifier.

The Father gave me this thought to convey early one morning. When the Bible says we serve a God that never sleeps, it wasn’t kidding. It is nothing for the Father to call a 3 AM conference meeting with me. Really God? 3 AM?

One victim containing multiple schizophrenic personalities. How do I bring all of them to the point of death? My only victim is the one that I see in the mirror every day. I am not charged with killing or crucifying your issues. You are not my victim. It is not my job to get you straight. I have enough on my hands dealing with me. I am only responsible for my own villains. And to be honest that job is tough enough. There must be a constant visitation to eliminate that enemy within me that wants to rise and take control over the authority of God and Christ. And let’s be honest, there are many things that if we did not allow the Spirit of God to have authority in our lives, will cause us to die to the Spirit of God. There would be many actions, many thoughts, many plans that would be self-serving and selfish. That’s why the Bible says, “I die daily”. It sounds good and noble, but it is not a pleasant process. It is a crucifixion. When we are “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. (Matthew 16:24 KJV),”, it means we must be the perpetrator and the victim. Not only must we carry our cross but we must also lay it down, climb aboard it, nail ourselves to it and lift it up as a sacrifice and die. Daily.

We crucify the flesh by living in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16), and allowing those fruits to flourish and be partaken.

But the fruits of the flesh, these personas are like zombies. They keep rising up just when you thought that you have killed and buried them, you find that they have it freed themselves from the inescapable grave. No, it is not an easy process but a necessary one. You must die to live. Who is your next victim? Look in the mirror!

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